GrievingSometimes the hardest thing we have to do
is let all our carefully laid plans free to go.
Sometimes we have to let our fantasies go
to make room for honesty and reality.Everytime I have come to the place where
this was what I had to do, I grieved anew.
And every time it has happened, it has
always hurt like the very first time, again.Grieving the thought that I was loved by
my parents, uncles, aunts, cousins and such.
Grieving that those who cared, the only
ones, had passed on much too soon.Grieving that to keep the friends I'd made
required much more than I ever dreamed.
But friends were few, and good ones scarce
so I paid the price and kept the secrets.Grieving, losing two marriages, not perfect,
but still, a tangible proof that I was loved.
But perfect marriages are not common
and these were less than perfect. Dead.Yet every time I grieved and healed again
life seemed to knock me down again.
Still I kept on trying to make my life make
sense, and each struggle set me more free.After 19 years of a love gone wrong and
the abuse I never saw till the very last.
Once again I grieved for all the fantasies
I had woven all those years, in all my fears.And here I stand on the threshold of love anew
and I have faith in how much I grew from the
girl so long ago, to the woman of now , who
knows what she doesn't want-to grieve again.©11/19/97
KCStars
