I leave this note on the pillow beside you for I have slipped from our bed, showered, dressed and left for work long before you will have awakened to read it.  I just want to be sure you know how very glad I am that yesterday is ancient history and, my luminous love, that I swear to you, such a dreadful event shall never occur between us again.

     When you'd first left, stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind you, I sat in the middle of the rug, placed my face in my palms and cried. 

     "How could it be," I wondered, "that our lines of communication had broken down so very low; how could it be that the woman whom I had loved for eight long and glorious years could be so angry that she'd turn and walk away from me?  These things, these bickering sessions happened to other couples, not us.  Why?  What had happened?  What was happening?  And could it truly be that this was it?  That it was over?  That simply and that easily?  The end?"

     Questions.  Questions roared through my mind, ripping and tearing it apart, but no answers.  Only the pain.  Pain that burned as it spread from my mind to my heart then my soul.  A deep reaching, wrenching pain the likes of which I have never felt. 

     And then sorrow.  Thickly into the murky quicksand of sorry I sunk.  What could I have done differently?  How could I have behaved to have avoided this catastrophic event?  What could I have said, done to have curved the path we were on so that we ended up in each others arms again instead of this; me sitting alone in the center of the living room and you off to only God knew where but somewhere far from my embrace.

     Thoughts, doubts, regrets plagued me.  I was confused.  I was angry.  I was hurt.  But mostly I was sad.  To the core of my being, irrevocably sad. 

     When I lifted my head and looked around all I saw were memories of you; memories of us.  Photos of happier times; you and I tightly wrapped in infinite poses and embraces; art and knickknacks that we'd bought together, that we'd given to each other as presents - expressions of our love and, or so we thought, everlasting affection for each other. 

     Was "everlasting" truly impossible?

     Was all that gone?  Snatched away?  Lost?  Tossed away?

     I couldn't stay here another moment.  My heart carried the weight of a sinking iceberg within my chest, the pressure and tightness in my throat making it almost impossible to swallow. 

    I would leave I'd decided, get a room.  Give myself time to think.  Maybe it was for the best.  Maybe we'd changed, grown, maybe it was time to move on, maybe you'd long ago moved on and I'd been too blind to see it.  Maybe you'd lost your love for me and just couldn't tell me; was this your way?  Or, Oh God, was there someone else?  Did your desire drift from me only to land upon the pleasures of another woman.  This painful thought I could not bear to allow myself to explore.  I decided I would get a room, shower, dress and visit my old stomping grounds, the bar that I used to hang out in before you - it'd been eight years since I'd gone there alone but tonight I would go.  I needed the attention that I knew I could get there.  I needed someone to be attracted to me, someone to make me feel desirable, someone to want me.  I knew I would have these things and maybe more by the time morning visited me.

     Tears burned and streamed down my cheeks as I stuffed a few clothes into an overnight bag and I didn't even bother to wipe them away, just allowed the salty drops fall from my face onto the floor.

     As I shut off the light in the bedroom I paused for a moment and stared at our bed.  Had I seen your beautiful body beneath those covers for the last time?  Would I never again hear your sighs, moans, ecstatic screams? Taste your deliciousness?  Would I never again gaze down upon your face, your cheeks flushed with the intensity of our love making as I rocked on top of you while you steadily climbed toward the peak of climax?  Would I never feel your weight upon me as you took control of me, my body, commanded me as only you are able to?  Only you have been able to unleash the wild libidinal animal that lay dormant, hidden so deeply inside of me.  Had I felt the last of that? The last of you?

     What had I done?  What had we done?

     By now I was near nauseous.  My stomach threatened to turn inside out and my legs were weak;  I wasn't sure I could trust them to walk out the door.

     Not bothering to retrieve supplies from the bathroom, I'd buy whatever I needed, I rushed down the hall and reached for the front door knob. 

     The sobs that gushed from my mouth almost didn't sound human, certainly no such noises had ever left my throat before, but I didn't bother to stifle them.  No one was around to hear and had there been, I didn't care anyway.  Life as I'd known it was over.

     My eyes were so swollen and filled with tears that I could barely see and tripped over your sneakers as I rushed toward the door.  This caused me to curse you out loud as anger and frustration poured from me in the form of venomous adjectives and nouns, words that I have never before uttered, describing you. 

     I grabbed the door handle and pulled hard.  It flew open and banged against the wall, leaving its mark there.

     I flung the screen door back, and was about to tear through it, fly down the front steps, the walkway and out the front gate toward my car when suddenly, I stopped dead in my tracks.

     At the bottom of the steps, you stood. 

     As an angel you stood before me.  The first thing I noticed were your eyes.  Although it was evident you had been crying, you were no longer and now your magnificent eyes which I had so often and so deeply become so lost in for so many years, now possessed a soft loving gaze.  A thin smile hugged your lips.

     Your arms were open wide, palms upturned toward me.  And you wore only a long trench coat which was unbuttoned.  Peeking through the opening in the front I could see a lot of your peach colored skin; your chest and your stomach were exposed to me as was your black sheer see-through bra, the one that leaves nothing to the imagination.  The one that is my favorite.  Your right breast peered through the opening of the coat, and I could clearly see your nipple.  As if it were waving to me, as if it was saying "Hi honey, we're home, please take us back".  Thin black, laced panties hid virtually nothing of your sweet treasure that I love beyond words.  Your legs and feet were bare.

     By now a couple of the neighbors were lingering around their front yards watching.  The could only see your back and were trying to figure out why you were standing at the bottom of the stairs with bare feet and a trench coat in the middle of the summer.

     I dropped my bag, held my arms open wide to you and whispered , "Come to me my love."

     You threw yourself at me and until my dying day, I'll never forget how soft and warm your skin felt as my hands slid around your waist and I pulled you to me.  Nor have your lips ever been so sweet, soft and enrapturing.  Our bodies passionately melded together and we barely made it up the steps and into the house to finish our fervid and emotive expressions.

     And the rest... well, I trust you remember quite well the rest.

     We rediscovered each other last night my love.  For hours upon hours we were lost in pleasing and being pleased, each kiss as if the first, each touch as if never before.

     My priceless jewel, this I swear to you, never again will I risk losing you.  My affection for you is imperishable and never again, for even the briefest of seconds while I remain breathing and my heart still is able to propel blood through my veins, will it diminish in the slightest. 

    I know now, beyond doubt that the flame of my love and desire for you is inextinguishable.

     I will hurry home tonight my dearest delight, and continue to explain and show you in person exactly how much this is so.
 

Until then, I remain

Your loving,

O.