The night. 

     When it was worse.

     The days she could handle now, though that feat had taken almost two years.  She'd learned that all she needed to do was make sure she was busy and keep going from one project to another.  She worked more overtime than ever and had enrolled in a couple of classes after work.  Busy, she'd convinced herself, was the answer.

     But the nights.  For them, there was no cure.  No solution would cure the throbbing aches that were the dark gifts the night brought.

     So again, she sat. 

     Only the orange, yellow and blue tipped flames which danced and leapt in the fireplace broke the dark and quiet.  As if trying to entertain her, they merrily flickered and crackled. 

     She stared into them, unblinking.

     So cold.  Why did she feel so very cold?

     It had begun snowing lightly this morning and by now inches of soft, white fluffy snow had drifted over her walkway and pressed firmly against her door.  Natures attempt to pad and comfort her while she remained safely inside their home? 

     No, her home. 

     It wasn't theirs any longer. 

     She could not stop the "we's", the "us's", the "our's" and the "their's". 

     She still was not used to saying "me, I, my". 

     Julie stared at the ring on her left hand as she absent-mindedly turned it.  Another habit she could not break.  The constant touching and turning of the ring.  It was old, dull and faded yet, it was still "their" ring.

     Her thoughts wandered to her sister and her friends who would struggle through the snow-storm tonight to get to a party.  They'd probably laugh and have great fun with the storm.  At least she didn't have to worry about them drinking and driving; they would take a taxi.  Of course they had begged her to join them, as usual.  Ha!  What a laugh.  Why? What would be the point? 

     Foolish waste of time.  All of it.  Everything.  Foolish.  Life was foolish. 

     She didn't look forward to reading the details in the morning papers about the New Year's Eve snowstorm and the tragedies the storm would undoubtedly cause, yet she would read them anyway.  And she would think about the deceased victims.  What they had felt or thought during their final frantic moments.  And she would think about the other victims. 

     The real victims. 

     The ones who were left behind.

     Yet, somehow, the stories didn't reach her anymore, really reach her.  There was simply no more pain left.  She'd felt it all and now it was gone.  Empty.  Void.  A shell. That was all that Beth had left when she died.  A husk named Julie who simply woke, went through the motions of living, then slept.  Or tried to sleep.  She really hadn't done much of that.  Nor did she even cry anymore.  When the pain left so had the tears.  Only the constant dull ache remained. 

     The pain was her only and ever constant companion.

     And at night, it was worse.

     She stared into the flames and fiery red embers.  Once again, as she did every night, and the images flashed before her eyes so clearly as if she were watching a movie. 

     Beth.  Riding horseback along the beach on the Cape.  Her long, blonde hair flowing gracefully, matching the horse's mane as he galloped.  Her eyes, bright, alive.  Her smile, effervescent.

     Beth.  Walking hand in hand as they discovered San Franciso secrets together. 

     Beth.  Laughing, pointing, wide-eyed at the sights in New York City. 

     Beth.  When they kissed. 

     Beth.  When they made love. 

     Beth.  Always so alive, so full of life. 

     Beth. 

     Her Beth.

     "Julie."

     Ice cubed shivers scraped the back of Julie's neck when the voice spoke her name.  Her head snapped in the direction from where it came.

     Beth stood in the shadows beneath the doorway from the bedroom.

     Julie's heart pressed tightly within her chest before leaping up into and constricting her throat.  She did not move.  She could not.  Her eyes first squinted then opened wide in an attempt to see her beautiful Beth in greater detail.

     "Don't move."  Beth's voice softly coached as she began to walk toward Julie.

     Julie's mind battled her heart. 

     She was dead.  Gone.  But NO!  She was here now. 

     Beth was alive!

     "Beth?"  Julie's lips merely mouthed the name.

     "It's OK honey.  Don't be afraid."  Her voice fell as gently as rose petals.

     She knelt beside Julie.

     "But, but...."  Julie tried to speak.

     "Shhhhh my little lamb..." Beth tenderly placed a finger upon Julie's lips to quiet her.  The touch was scorching.  She closed her eyes and let out a long sigh as she basked in the sensation.  When she opened her eyes, Beth was only inches from her.  A warm, soft peach colored glow radiated from her as it used to immediately after they'd made love. 

     "My sweet lover, we need to talk."  Beth's gaze held Julie's.  Her soft gray eyes mesmerized her as they always had.  Julie studied the woman's features who knelt before her.  Beth.  It was Beth.  She was not dreaming.  The laugh lines, the nose, her incredible lips; all here again. 

     "Beth, honey?  God this is a miracle!  You've come back to me.  Oh how I have missed you, you have no idea." 

     Julie threw her arms around the neck of her lover.  She buried her face into her hair and inhaled deeply.  The smell of her.  The softness.  All just as before. 

     Beth pulled Julie tightly to her, allowing her the moment before speaking.

     "Sweetheart.  We don't have much time, and we need to talk.  Yes, I do know how much you have missed me and that is why I've come back to you, but only for now.  Only for these brief few moments.  This is a special gift to us, this time.  I must go back soon."

     "No!" Julie demanded.  The anger welled inside her, anger she'd thought had long ago been buried. 

     "No!  I won't let you go this time.  Stay with me Beth."

Beth reached, softly touching Julie's face.  Her touch was like powder upon Julie's face.

     "Shhh, my sweet, shhh.  It will be all right.  You will be all right, but for now, shhhh..."

     Beth then leaned closer and kissed Julie.

     Their lips entwined.  Immediately warm waves of heat flushed and erupted throughout Julie's body.  Beth's hands slipped behind Julie's head, gently massaging the back of her neck, running through her hair, pulling Julie closer to her, into her. 

     The kiss intensified.  Their lips parted, then opened and they kissed deeper; their tongues dancing, licking to the rhythm of the hot fireplace flames. 

     Beth slowly and deliberately began to unbutton Julie's blouse.  She wore the devil of a smile that she'd always had whenever she would seduce Julie.  Julie rolled off the chair onto the rug in front of the fireplace, melting beneath Beth's touch.

     Beth pulled open Julie's blouse, exposing her breasts that by now were topped with two tightly erect nipples.  Beth lowered her tongue to circle one nipple then the other before leaning to take them, one at a time, deeply into her warm mouth.

     Julie fell back onto the rug lost in ecstasy, knowing none of this made sense.  But what did make sense in this crazy world anyway?  All that mattered was that she was there with Beth and all she could think about was to let Beth have her.  She surrendered completely as Beth's experienced hands unsnapped, unzipped then removed first Julie's jeans then her own. 

     Naked.  Warm flesh pressing against warm flesh.  Kissing, touching, exploring their sensuous passion not only with fiery urgency but also with erotic tenderness.

     Julie floated, soared, rising high, falling, then shooting yet even higher still the next time as Beth made love to her.  It had been so long, yet it was as if not a day had passed.

     The sensations catapulted Julie to a place where she was no longer terrestrial.  She was lost completely and totally in sensations that could not possibly be human.  Where her mind, or her body, or Beth's body began or ended she did not know nor did she care.  All she knew was that her lover was back and once again, she was complete.

     The hours drifted by and finally they quieted; laying together, wrapped in the thick quilt, sleepily gazing into each other's eyes before the only witness - the fire.  The thick logs had by now settled into only an occasional 'pop' from lumpy, black and orange charred remains. 

     Neither had spoken for some time, both simply enjoying the warmth, comfort and tenderness of holding each other that only comes after loving and being loved with soul touching intensity. 

     Beth spoke first.

     "Honey.  I must be going now."

     "No!  Beth!"  Jamie's voice cracked.

     "My sweet Julie."  Beth held Julie's face as she spoke. 

     "Listen to me and listen good.  Listen with your soul not your ears."

     Beth became blurry as Julie's eyes began to fill.

     "I left you sooner than you wanted me to and for the pain you are feeling, I am so very sorry.  But Julie, it really is going to be O.K..  I can't explain it all to you now but you will know and understand soon.  This lifetime that we were together is so short.  I know it doesn't feel like it to you since I've been gone but honey, believe me, it is."

     Her whispering voice was feather-like, gentle and soft, unlike anything that Julie had ever experienced before.  It stroked her from the inside.

     Beth smiled and the warmth radiated through Julie. 

     "Honey... we were together before this life and we will be together again.  Do you hear me?  Do you understand?  We have been and always will be together.  I am still with you, my sweet darling.  Always, I am right with you, you must believe and trust that.  Do you?"

     Her eyes searched Julie's for an answer.

     Julie nodded.

     "Good.  Julie, this lifetime is only one of many.  I chose to leave early this time.  You needed to stay and finish a few things, to learn a little more, but when you are ready, you will soar through the heavens and join me again.  We are connected Julie.  Don't ever doubt that."

     Beth then held up then kissed Julie's hands.

     "Now.  It is time for you to move on, meet another and fall in love again."

     "No!"  Julie did not want to hear this.

     Beth smiled. 

     "Yes, baby.  You must.  It is your destiny.  You've been fighting it."

     "I, I can't love anyone like I loved you.  I won't.  I don't want to.  I can't."

     "Julie, you're right.  It won't be like it was with me.  But it will be good.  And it will be love.  And it will be different.  And that will be O.K.  You can love another and enjoy them for who they are.  They are not me and you don't need to try to make them me.  But you will love again.  Trust me."

     She smiled and winked. 

     "I know."

     She placed her hand over her heart then moved it to over Julie's heart.  The spark which leapt from her touch penetrated Julie's heart, creating a heat that quickly spread throughout her entire chest, rapidly magnifying and intensifying as it grew within her.

     Beth slowly reached for Julie's left hand and held onto the gold metal band that had encircled her ring finger for nearly two decades. 

     "Beth... NO!  When you placed it there I promised I'd never take it off."

     Julie could fight the tears no longer and fully surrendered to them.

     "You're not taking it off my sweet lover..."

     Beth leaned over and kissed her.

     "I am."

     The ring slipped off the finger, leaving a white shadow in its place.  Beth then slid it onto the ring finger of Julie's right hand.

     "There.  It's close enough so you will always feel me with you, but it allows you to move on.  Now when you go out all those wonderful and single lesbians won't see a wedding band on your left hand.  You've missed a lot of dates because of that."

     "I don't care about any dates Beth.  I only want you.  Please, let me go with you.  My life here is over anyway, you know that."  Julie pleaded.

     Beth tenderly cradled Julie's face.

     "No, no it is not over.  You trust me don't you?  You know I would not lie to you.  Please, believe me.  I know it feels as if you want to leave now, but it is not your time.  Enjoy this life honey, it really is quite short.  Soon, you'll move on, and when you do, I will be the one right there holding the door open and I will take your hand.  Julie, this I promise to you."

     "But..." Julie had to argue; she had to make Beth understand.  She could not let her go. 

     "Shhhhh....." Beth cooed then leaned closer and softly kissed Julie's eyes. 

     Julie closed her eyes.  The coolness of Beth's lips upon her hot, swollen eyelids was refreshing.  She had to think.  What could she say to change Beth's mind?

     "But Beth..." she opened her eyes.

     Beth was gone.

     Julie was alone.

     Only a few crumpled coals remained in the fireplace. 

     She sat up quickly, shook her head and looked around.  She was lying on the rug wrapped in the quilt and was completely naked.

     She must've been dead tired and fallen into a delirious sleep.  She didn't remember climbing off the chair onto the floor nor taking her clothes off.  Yet, her nipples, her body felt as if she had just made love.  The sweet lingering sensations still clung to her. 

     A dream?  But it had been so real.  Her heart sank as she remembered how vivid it had been to have been with Beth again, to have Beth, making extraordinary love to her. 

     What time was it?  She must've been asleep for hours; the fire was nearly out. 

     She stood, alone, cold and naked before the fire.  Grabbing a log from the pile, she tossed it onto the remaining coals, sending sparks flying. 

     As she reached down for the black iron poker, her left hand froze in mid-air. 

     The ring, sparkling and shining as if brand new, was on the ring finger of her right hand.

©Oceanldy