I knew when I first saw you.
You looked at me the way I thought you shouldn't.
You were a woman and I was very much one.
You knew who you were and you were comfortable.
I envied you. You terrified me.
You in your ultimate comfort, made me question.
I felt anger, denial, God help me ATTRACTION.
I watched your every move, hung on your every move.
Found a million excuses to hang out with
my new "Lesbian" friend.
I was not a lesbian, No not me.
I told the age old lie and percieved it
as truth, my truth.
We can be friends as long as you know I'm straight.
You took shape in my mind and heightened my senses.
Every thought suddenly became about you.
I wondered, I denied, I dreamed.
At night, alone, I could not live the lie.
My mind would run rampant, wondering,
Where were you, were you alone?
My thoughts flooded my senses,
with the memories of your face,your laugh, your scent.
The cute way you danced and sang to the radio,
You couldn't carry a tune, but you didn't know.
Or maybe it was so much fun you didn't care.
Then came the day in your kitchen,
You suddenly kissed me.
I tried to push away but then
I found myself kissing back.
Time seemed to freeze,
My body was on fire, I didn't care about
what people might say.
I wanted you, more of you, all of you.
I wanted your hands on my body
and your lips next to mine.
I found myself, who I had always been.
For two days we explored one anothers bodies.
You touched not only my body
but my heart and soul.
Intimate whispers lay softly on my pillow.
I was alive, for the first time I knew
Who I really was.
But you knew me first, you looked deep past the facade to see who I
was
inside.
Though we are not together any more,
I owe you so much, for that I thank you.
All these years later I live my life
as it should have been all along.
The way you taught me.
I laugh, I'm not afraid, I'm who I am,
Not what someone else wants to make me.
When you left, it broke my heart.
You told me, never be afraid of love.
It will come again, I promise,
But you must be open to it or it will pass you by.
you opened my eyes as you opened my heart.
You would be proud of me.
You were then, are now and always will be
my special love.
© Judy Sammons
|
