Passion Play
by Gabrielle St. Charles

"Surrender" Chapter One

The Affair of the Heart

 My Harley felt good underneath me.  I found that riding fast and free made me feel so much better.  I had gotten a call from Maria, it was the usual.  She had about two hours and wanted me to meet her at our spot.  I had jumped at the chance.  I never thought I would be the type of woman, who, at 35, would drop anything for another woman.  But, she was different.  She couldn’t embarrass her parents and our relationship had to remain a secret.  I had been seeing her for almost six months now.  She would spend a few nights at my house, or we would meet for dinner and sneak to a secluded park or our favorite, the pond that I was now headed to.  She was so beautiful.  I remembered everything about her.  I remembered how her hair fell on my shoulders and my arm, when she nuzzled into me and laid her head on my chest.  The smell of her hair aroused me deep inside.  She had the softest, wavy, thick, dark brown hair.  Spanish ancestry had been good to her; she had the look and class of a queen.  Her distinction belied the fact that her family was dirt poor, hard workers who couldn’t get out of poverty.  She didn’t mind.  She had her Lord, her loved ones and most of all, and she had me.

 When she met me at the library, she stared for at least a half-hour.  I had noticed her watching me, never moving.  Finally I went to her, knowing she was too young for me, knowing that there was no way she was a lesbian, but I went over to her anyway.  Our conversation had been short.  I had asked if there was something wrong.  Her answer was blatant.  She had said, “No.  You are beautiful.  I can’t quit looking at you.  I hope you aren’t offended.”  My heart had lightened immediately, I hadn’t minded at all.  My reply had been distinct, short and also pointed.  I had said, “No.  I don’t mind at all, if you would like to meet me for dinner later, I would love it?”  She had accepted and we had gone for our first date that evening.  Since then, we had spent time on the phone, met at odd times and just gotten to know each other.  We had an instant rapport and I had taught her what it was like to know a woman.  I was her first.

 The highway sped beneath me.  The wind blowing my dark hair against my shoulders, around my leather jacket.  It was kind of chilly going this fast.  I couldn’t wait to see her.  Maria’s parents had been having a hard time with one of the children, Maria’s younger sister, Monica.  Because of that, Maria had to do a lot of the work around the house and care for the six other children, all under the age of 12.  She also attended her third year of med school; she was going to be a pediatrician.  She was brilliant.  She had worked her way through school until this year, when one of her professors had approached her and asked if she would accept a scholarship program that allowed her to financially complete school without paying another cent.  She had called me that night, after she got home and had celebrated with her parents.  She had asked me to meet her at an out-of-the-way restaurant.  Upon arriving, I had been surprised...we were the only ones there, no customers and no staff.  Maria’s friend, Tony, owned the business and let her use it.  She had made us dinner and later that night, we made love for the first time.  It was fabulous.  I had memories of that night ingrained in my brain.  Her seducing me with music from a juke box.  The dessert she had made, fresh strawberries and a sugary cream, dipped and dripped all over her, as she had seductively undressed, little by little...dripping the cream down her breasts as she watched my reaction.... And let me lick it off, finally feeding me the strawberry.  I hadn’t been able to control myself.  I made love to her right there...and surprisingly enough; she made love to me too.  She was skilled for a first time lesbian.  She followed my every move.  I had inquired about it later, she said she just did to me what she had dreamed of me doing to her for months as she lay in bed at night.  After that, she had snuck away for whole nights with me.  Not often, but the quality was well worth the wait.  She was so sexy.  And, so very seductive.  She was hot-blooded and passionate.  Her demeanor by day nothing like her wanton passion in my bed. 

 I pulled my bike into the crest of trees, knowing I would probably be there before she got there.  I loved watching for her to come down the path.  She walked with such a grace and charm.  And, I loved seeing her light up when she saw me.  I knew that she would be thinking of me.  I finally found someone who felt as I did mutuality; she really loved me.  She never hid her feelings, when she was mad, she let me have it.  When she was unhappy, she shared with me why.  When she wanted to love me, she let me know it.  She was honest and pure; no one had ruined her yet.  I cherished my time with her.  When away from her, I would work and spend time with friends, but my mind and my heart never left her.  I wondered what she was doing, what her life that she couldn’t share with me was like.  At times I felt myself falling into her, but knew I had to keep my head above water, and not let myself fall for her.  Her parents couldn’t handle her being a lesbian. 

 The topic of conversation one night had been her problem being a lesbian.  She told me that she could never come out of the closet, never have the dream of being married to me, of having children with me, sharing that with her family.  Her cousin, Jaime, was gay.  The family had been shamed, disgraced, overwhelmed.  She had watched them knowing that she was a lesbian, she watched his parents kick him out of the family, they no longer welcomed him as part of their own.  Jamie had been so distraught about losing his family that he became promiscuous. Later that year, he had found out he had AIDS.  Aunt Rosina still wouldn’t let him back in the family, he was a disgrace and now he was being paid back by the disease of gays.  Maria had been devastated.  She had known that she was a lesbian from the time she was 8, and now she knew that to bare that truth to them, she would lose them.  Jamie died alone, without family, not even Maria was allowed to see him, that would be defacing the family. 

There were eight children in her family and she was the oldest.  There was no way she could handle living without the children.  They were her own.  They couldn’t think that lowly of her, she had cried to me about how much she loved me and that we would never have more than we did now; a few night snuck away, a few meetings throughout the week, and nothing like what she wanted with me. I just let her tell me about it.  I knew that one day, she would surrender to her passion and either leave her family or leave me.  One of the other would have to happen.  I knew she felt as I did, that there would never be another woman that compared to the other.  She was bright, intelligent, articulate, compassionate, caring, loving, seductive, playful, savvy, classy, and I was in love.  Even I knew I couldn’t hide it long enough to fool myself.  If she could live like this, then I could too.  I would wait until she left me for her family; I would just share with her while I could.  Sometimes I was confident love would succumb, it would win out, that it would be enough; other times, I didn’t think love was enough.  I wish I didn’t go back and forth so much.  I knew we loved each other and for her, I would give her up, so that she could have her family.  I loved her so much.

 I saw her break onto the path.  My face went immediately into the permanent grin that she drew out of me.  She saw me as I saw her and she ran to me.  I was still on my cycle and she climbed right on in front of me, straddling the bike and me at the same time.  I kissed her.  My lips tore at hers in hunger.  I pulled her close as if to say that we were one.  I kissed her neck, behind her ear and heard her whisper my name.

 “Shane....”  She was hoarse.  Her whisper barely audible. 
 My reply was easy, “Maria, I love you, baby.”  I kissed her again.  My lips softer, expressing my love for her, without hunger this time.  My hands on her back, softly cradling her.  I reached to take off my jacket and she helped me.  I had on Levi’s and a white tank top.  Matching her outfit exactly, except I had on the leather jacket.  I knew she loved my jacket, many a night we took off on the cycle and she would wear my jacket and wrap us both in it as we rode.  I put the jacket around her softly taking her in my arms.  I didn’t know why I was here, possibly just some extra time, maybe something special had happened, maybe nothing.  But, it was my time with her and I loved every minute I got to spend.
 I tipped my head to hers, we called it the “meeting of our minds”, she had come up with it one night, after we made love.  She laid her forehead against mine and told me that we never had to speak words again, we would merely lay our heads together and read each other’s minds.  It was a nice concept.  Many times we would get frustrated at not being able to spend much time together and we would have a “meeting of the minds” and just relish in the few moments we got together.  I laid my forehead on hers, so that she could read that I loved her.  She closed her eyes and I watched her calm with me.  But, I could tell something was on her mind.  Maybe I would just read through it, not have to have the words that I began to dread.

 “Baby, what is it?”  We stayed in our “meeting of minds” position and she kept her eyes closed as she began to speak to me, softly and sweetly, as her voice always was.

 “I have an offer to study abroad.  I got it today.  I would spend six months in Europe at different hospitals, interning under Dr. McAllister.”  She sighed and pulled me closer.

 Wow!  That was out of the blue.  It was bad enough to not see her for a couple of days, let alone six months.  How I must be supportive.  Her career was as important to her as mine was to me.  She supported my work so well, even the nights when she had to put up with my working late, while she was there.  Being an attorney wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.  The research alone was devastating to time, but when I was working on a case, like the one I had when I first met Maria, I spent 15 hours a day working.  That is how I met her, researching in the library for the case I was prosecuting.  I could do this; I was psyching myself up.
 “Honey, that is wonderful.  What an opportunity.”  I tried to sound joyous.

 “But I won’t see you, I can’t go that long without seeing you, Shane.  I can’t do it.  I don’t want to do it.  And, with Monica being so rebellious, how will mama handle it.  It’s not good timing.”  She laid her head on my shoulder, I could feel the tears start to roll down my shoulder and arm.

 “There, there sweetness.  It’s okay.  I am sure we can talk this out.  Let’s look at it rationally.  Can we do that?”  I pulled her softly to my sight, my hands cradling her beautiful face, prompting her to open her eyes and look at me.  “Babe, look at me...please.”

She kissed me, hard and passionately, never opening her eyes, prodding me to explore with her depths that only we knew from each other.  She pried my lips open and dove into my mouth, seeking my tongue to play with her, to dance our dance.  Her hands roving my back, scratching faintly with her nails.  I kissed her back, showing her how hungry I was, it had been almost a week since we had really gotten anything more than time on the phone.  Finally she gave up and pulled away, it must not have made her quit thinking.  I knew that was what she wanted; such an angel, yet she thought too much.  It was always making her crazy.  She worried about everything.

 She spoke again, husky and raspy, “You are so beautiful, Shane, so very beautiful.  I don’t want to be away from you anymore than I am now.  I lay at wake at night and I think of you.  I want you, I want us.”  She was intense today.  I didn’t know what to do, but I knew she had been in thought with this sometime and couldn’t make a decision.

 “Wanna go for a ride?”  Sometimes that helped; at least I could suggest it.  She would talk to me as we rode, easier when she didn’t have to look into my eyes probably, but she had the safety of her arms around me.

 “Yea, let’s cruise the pond slowly.”  It was our favorite thing to do.  We would ride very slowly and just talk, being close.  It wasn’t real safe for us at the pond, too close to her house.

 “Or, honey, would you like to go to my house?  We have enough time to spend at least a little time...”  I let it draw out, so she could think about it.

 She smiled, “I would love to go home.”

 That was it, I kissed her softly and helped her get off my lap and on the back of the bike.  I revved up the engine and off we went.  She wrapped us both in my jacket and held on, sliding one hand down the front of my Levi’s, over my jeans, making me moan audibly.  “Not fair, Maria, so not fair.”  My words coming out like the moan that I let slip.  She didn’t care, she continued to move her hand across the seam of my Levi’s, making me crazy.  The vibration of the cycle, her hand on my jeans, running up and down so slowly and softly.  I was losing control.  I leaned back on her as we rode the ten miles to my house.  It was a very long drive.  At one point, the guy in a car next to us about had an accident, when he figured out what she was doing.  Maria kindly pointed him out to me, so we could both throw him some smiles.  We laughed.  Even in my aching, I laughed with her as we watched him lose his control, nearly careening off the road.  Finally we ended up in front of my house.  It was a whole new ballgame at my house.  Maria turned into a completely different creature, so much freer than at the pond.  At the pond she was always worried someone from her neighborhood would come up and out us.  Here she was herself.

 As we pulled up, her hand moved from my crotch to my breasts, teasing me as she giggled and slipped off the bike.  I could barely walk. 
 “oooookay,”  I said, as I got off the bike, in great pain.  She was gonna pay for this and she knew it, by the look I gave her.  My jeans were wet and she was proud.  She ran up the walkway to my porch, screened in, and opened the door.  She then acted like she could keep me out, by holding onto the screen door.  “Oh please, you think that would keep you from me?  I would tear strips of wood off the house to get to you, my love.  So give up now.”  We had become so playful; I loved playing with her. 

Chapter 2


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by Gabrielle St. Charles

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